Tuesday, August 03, 2004

7-Limerick Sequence/NO, VIRGINIA, BEING "GREAT LOOKING" DOES NOT FIX WHAT'S WRONG WITH AMERICAN CANDIDATE, DUH! DID THEY TEACH YOU THAT AT HARVARD?

JOURNALIST/CRITIC: VIRGINIA HEFFERNAN (NEW YORK TIMES) "If Nominated, Will Serve"
EXCERPT:
Because in spite of the claim that this reality series will pit everyday Janes and Joes against one another in a mock presidential race, the candidates assembled here are ... standard-issue American superachievers. And that's kind of too bad.

The heartwarming idea of "American Candidate" is somewhat diminished by its esteemed pool of contestants. These candidates are no more eccentric than Dennis J. Kucinich and no more amateurish than Ross Perot. And we've seen those reality shows already.

What's right with "American Candidate," however, is more than enough to fix what's wrong with it. Simply put, the show is great looking.

In the best part of Sunday's episode ... they repair to a bar in New Hampshire. Nothing is made explicit, but Chrissy Gephardt demonstrates a little unpredictability around the subject of red wine. ... Close-ups of her glass appear at various times. What is being hinted at?



HUMITAS RESPONDS (in 7 limericks):

[1] The New York Times says ... Chrissy's wine glass
makes up for all problems. What dumb*ss ...
... would write crap like that?
From where my ass sat ...
... I just saw a dumb F-ing wine glass. {smile}
[2] Virginia, the critic with Harvard
lit. PhD, thinks Cutler's trump card
-- outweighing all flaws --
is "great looking." 'Cause ...
... Well, you'll have to ask Ivy Retard.

[3] Perhaps they re-edited that seg ...
or Heffernan gulped down a full keg
before she sat down
in her lace nightgown
to write. (Might turn sweet, if I glimpse leg.) {smile}
[4] It's strange, since she started out wisely
announcing the problems quite size-ly.
Rhetorical trick:
list problems first, quick.
Dismissing them all ... (What a nice knee!)

[5] I'm sorry, Virginia, but Santa
is not in your cards, but Mylanta
might help you endure
my medical cure
for bullshit-beguiled, wine-y rant-a. {grin}
[6] "American Candidate" screwed up.
You know what they did was a foul cup
of clueless caste haste;
No one who has taste.
would tune in again for the next sup.

[7] You're cutting some slack for a "class"-mate.
That's what "your type" does. Now my "class-hate"
is showing, I guess.
At least I'll confess ...
Will you do the same? Yes, dear, we'll wait.

{an exquisitely perceptive trailer-trash smile}